The Healing Power of Grief
Allowing ourselves to grieve properly is the first step in healing. The painful emotions associated with grief need to be acknowledged rather than ignored. Sigmund Freud warned, “Unexpressed emotions will never die. They are buried alive and will come forth later in uglier ways” (1). When sorrow is not properly expressed it can become hardened anger which causes “hearts (to) die” (2).
Anger is a secondary emotion. In many cases, sorrow is the primary emotion but is camouflaged by anger. Dr. Elaine Walton taught this truth, “For many victims, sorrow has been averted or camouflaged by anger, and in giving up the anger, one has to be willing to feel the sadness that gave rise to that anger” (3). Essentially to be free of anger, we must allow ourselves to sorrow.
I had a friend call me very frustrated with the actions of her husband. She was at the end of her rope and didn’t know what to do. I encouraged her to allow herself to sorrow. The next week she told me that after she sorrowed the anger that she previously felt toward her husband dissipated.
Responding with anger will never produce positive outcomes because Satan is the “father of contention, and he stirreth up the hearts of men to contend with anger, one with another” (4). Sorrowing allows us to respond to others without anger because we addressed the hurt behind the anger.
If you would like to learn how to facilitate the grieving process for yourself or to help others, I invite you to request the “The Grieving Process Activity” below.