Over the years, as a life coach and in my personal life I have witnessed that one of the most painful emotional wounds we can experience is the passing of a loved one. The painful loss of a loved one became apparent to me as a young child when I found a picture of an infant boy in a coffin in my mother’s top drawer and with it a tiny white cap that I saw him wearing in the picture. I was very young, and I had no idea who this boy was. I learned that my parent’s first child died a few hours after he was born. I can’t imagine how my mother and father felt as they came home to an empty crib.​

But regardless of the reason for the emotional pain, mourning is the first step in the treatment plan. Traumatic experiences need to be mourned. The emotions can be painful, but mourning is one of the deepest expressions of pure love. Our Savior Jesus Christ who is the greatest example of pure love mourned over the death of Lazarus. In John 11:35-36, it simple says, “Jesus wept”, then said the Jews about Jesus, “Behold how he loved him!” The first treatment approach that I implement in my coaching is to allow people to express their emotions and guide them through the grieving process. Sigmund Freud said, “Unexpressed emotions will never die. They are buried alive and will come forth later in uglier ways.” Expressing our feelings and allowing others to do the same without a person’s own judgments getting in the way, will initiate the healing we desperately need. This process is the essence of compassionate healing.​

In my Ignite Your Light program, I assist my clients in the grieving process by creating a compassionate connection and a safe space. I do this by having them follow step-by-step instructions that allow them to acknowledge their pain, the source of that pain, the meaning associated with that pain, and the consequences of the injury or loss. Initially the process can be painful, but as they do, their burden of pain will literally be lifted. The evidence-based treatments that I use have been scientifically proven that when someone listens with compassion to someone who is suffering, they make a connection. Brain scans show that humans have the power to take on the energies of others, thus the listener experiences part of the pain of the other person and the pain and negative emotions of the suffer decreases. You quite literally lift the burden of the sufferer.  It has also been proven that compassion activates the body’s natural healing mechanisms by increasing disease fighting cells in the body.  

This principle of healing was also taught by our Savior, when his disciple said, “As ye… are willing to bear one another’s burdens that they may be light…and are willing to mourn with those that are mourning;…and comfort those who stand in need of comfort…ye may be redeemed of God” (Mosiah 18: 8-9). We were created and made with powerful healing faculties that give us a sense of responsibility to assist others in the healing process. Compassion is a key attribute for a personal connection so that the therapeutic process of relieving the suffering of others is effective. Practicing compassion also blesses the listener as it leads to a fulfilling life because you are becoming more like your Savior, which is ultimately the purpose of life. The prophet Abinadi taught that Jesus Christ, “having ascended into heaven… was filled with compassion towards the children of men” (Mosiah 15:9). And so must we!​

I invite you to experiment for yourself and and learn the truth of surrogate healing through compassion. The next time you are wounded or someone else is hurt, practice being nonjudgmental and compassionate and witness for yourself the healing power of compassion.